I am an Expert and here’s what you should do about Everything

Yes, everything. I have the answers. Why? Because I identified myself right up front as… “I”.

No, you don’t know me otherwise. And no, you don’t have any inking whatsoever about who I am, what I have or haven’t done, or studied or accomplished.

But that information is so irrelevant. All that counts is my simple and humble declaration: I am “I” and therefore I have all the answers “you” didn’t know you needed. Until I told you.

For my hapless readers, I know you’ve been long burdened by the existential question, “Who am I?”

That’s not important now. Nope. Because I have randomly shown up in your news feed and claimed the position of “I” in your life.  You schmuck. How did you get along before I arrived?

I am amazing.  

I am a doctor and this is what you should eat to get rid of that belly fat.

I am a candidate and this is how we’ll fix our country/ state/ city/ book club.

I am a style guru and you need to buy these shoes right now. Never mind that they don’t come in your size and rub blisters the size of cantaloupes. You must be in style. I have declared it.

Click this link to send me the money I deserve for being I. For you!

I am a “post-influencer”. 

My anointed mission is not to influence but to dictate.

I must know what I’m talking about because I am “I”.

There’s “I”. And there’s “you”. 

Who are you?

You are the designated consumer of my wisdom.

If you were as smart as I, you would write in confident sentences that all start with “I am…”

As “they” say, I was “this many years old” when I discovered that using “I” in a headline was once considered unacceptable. 

Like you couldn’t just claim authority on whatever by using a simple first person pronoun.

Apparently, stuff called “objectivity” and “credibility” used to be a thing.

I am an expert, and I say that’s just bonkers.

I sense your resistance is breaking down. Who are “you” to question “I” anyway? Because I will keep showing up in your news feed. Finance, home decor, fitness, nutrition, parenting, you name it, “I” will tell “you” what you MUST do NOW.

I am relentless.

I have a keyboard.

I have a screen.

I must be an expert because I have spent no time looking for other experts, and here I am, so ergo, I am clearly the only one.

I mean, you’re following me, aren’t you?

I don’t see you doing the hard work of opining as an “I” yourself.

I can teach you how to do that, by the way!

“I” have the 17 Secrets “They” Don’t Want “You” to Know!

Click HERE to order TODAY!

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